How Substance Use Can Become a Coping Mechanism for Stress
It starts off innocently enough… after a long, stressful day, you pour a drink. When your thoughts won’t slow down, you reach for something that helps you shut your brain off. When you’re overwhelmed, anxious, lonely, or carrying more than you know how to deal with, using a substance gives you a few hours where everything feels a little quieter.
At first, it might not seem like a problem at all. In fact, it probably feels like one of the few things that actually works to quiet the noise, which is why it’s so easy to keep coming back to time and again.
But over time, there can be a subtle shift between using something because you enjoy it and beginning to rely on it as one of your primary ways of coping with stress.
Why Do People Use Substances to Cope With Stress?
There’s a reason we reach for things that make us feel better when life feels hard.
Alcohol and other substances can temporarily change the way you feel. They may help you relax, quiet racing thoughts, feel more comfortable socially, fall asleep, numb painful emotions, or simply give you a break from everything you’re carrying.
If you’ve been dealing with chronic stress, anxiety, difficult relationships, work pressure, trauma, major life transitions, or other overwhelming experiences, that temporary relief can become incredibly appealing.
In our clinical work, we’ve found that it’s important to understand substance use within the context of the person’s life rather than looking only at the behavior itself. Often, there is a reason a particular coping strategy developed. Getting curious about that reason can help us understand what needs to change.
When Does Substance Use Start Becoming a Problem?
Substance use concerns don’t always look the way we’ve been taught to imagine them.
You can have a career, take care of your responsibilities, show up for your family, and generally appear to have your life together.
And you can still recognize that your relationship with alcohol or another substance isn’t feeling quite right anymore.
Perhaps you’ve noticed that you:
Automatically reach for a substance when you’re stressed, anxious, angry, or overwhelmed
Have a hard time relaxing or enjoying yourself without it
Use more than you originally intended
Tell yourself you’re going to cut back but struggle to follow through
Feel guilty or uncomfortable about how much or how often you’re using
Hide or minimize your use around other people
Notice your use affecting your sleep, mood, relationships, work, or health
Feel anxious at the thought of navigating certain situations without it
Experiencing one of these things doesn't automatically mean you have a substance use disorder. But if you’ve started questioning your relationship with substances, and recognize yourself in some of these examples, it might be time to explore further.
What Is the Substance Helping You Manage?
This is one of the questions we find particularly important when working with substance use.
Because if we focus exclusively on stopping a behavior without understanding the need underneath it, we may miss a significant part of what’s keeping the pattern going.
Maybe drinking is the only time you give yourself permission to stop working.
Maybe using helps quiet anxiety that otherwise feels relentless.
Maybe it helps you avoid painful memories or emotions you don’t yet feel equipped to sit with.
Maybe it makes it easier to connect socially, sleep at night, tolerate conflict, or temporarily escape responsibilities that feel overwhelming.
Understanding the function substance use has been serving can give us important information about what you may need instead.
How We Approach Substance Use Therapy
Our approach to therapy is collaborative, practical, and nonjudgmental. We start by getting curious about what’s happening.
Cindy, our substance use specialist, draws primarily from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) to help clients better understand their patterns while also developing practical strategies they can use outside of our sessions.
Using CBT, we may look at the connection between your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and substance use. We can identify situations that tend to trigger the urge to use, explore the thoughts or beliefs that show up in those moments, and work on developing alternative ways of responding.
Through a solution-focused lens, we’ll also pay attention to what’s already working. When have you handled stress differently? What helps you feel more in control? What would meaningful progress actually look like for you? We can build on those strengths and identify realistic steps toward the changes you want to make.
We don’t believe therapy should simply tell you what you’re doing wrong. Our role is to help you better understand yourself, identify the patterns that may no longer be serving you, and build skills that give you more options when stress inevitably shows up.
Building New Ways to Cope With Stress
Changing your relationship with substances often involves more than simply removing one coping strategy. It also means building other ways to manage the feelings and situations that made that coping strategy useful in the first place.
Depending on your individual needs and goals, our work might include identifying triggers, developing stress-management and emotional-regulation skills, challenging unhelpful thought patterns, strengthening your support system, establishing healthier routines, and practicing different ways of responding to difficult moments.
The specific goals of therapy will look different for every person.
Over time, the goal is for you to feel more confident in your ability to navigate stress and difficult emotions without feeling like substances are your only option for getting through them.
You Don’t Have to Hit “Rock Bottom” Before You Ask for Help
One of the most harmful misconceptions about substance use is that things have to become catastrophic before you’re allowed to seek support.
They don’t.
You can ask for help because you’ve noticed yourself drinking more than you want to or you’re uncomfortable with how much you rely on a substance to unwind. Or maybe someone you care about has expressed concern.
Therapy can provide a space to look honestly at what’s happening, understand what’s driving the pattern, and begin building healthier ways of managing stress that fit your life.
If you’re ready to explore your relationship with substance use and develop new ways of coping with stress, reach out today to book a first session with Cindy.
Margaux Flood, LCSW, (VA License #0904016451) is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and psychotherapist with over a decade of experience supporting clients . With a virtual practice based in Virginia Beach, VA, Margaux provides psychotherapy for clients located throughout Virginia, Florida and South Carolina. She specializes in couples therapy, women’s mental health, anxiety, and self-esteem, using evidence-based approaches like Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and mindfulness-based interventions to help clients strengthen connection, build confidence, and feel more grounded in themselves and their relationships. Margaux Flood, LCSW is committed to providing compassionate, expert virtual psychotherapy for clients across Virginia, Florida and South Carolina. Her team also provides services across the states of Mississippi and Missouri.
Disclaimer: The information in this article is for educational purposes only and does not substitute for professional therapy or medical advice.