Learning to Trust Yourself After Years of Second-Guessing
You’ve replayed the same choices in your head a hundred times.
You’ve asked for advice, journaled, weighed the pros and cons, and still ended up paralyzed by “what ifs.”
If second-guessing has become your default, you know firsthand how exhausting it is. It makes even small decisions feel heavy. It chips away at your confidence and it leaves you wondering if you’ll ever be able to trust yourself fully.
Here’s the truth: self-trust isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s a skill! And like any skill, it can be rebuilt with enough practice.
Why Second-Guessing Takes Over In the First Place
Most of the time, chronic self-doubt doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It grows from experiences like:
Being told (directly or indirectly) that your feelings or instincts were “too much” or “wrong” early in life
Growing up in environments where approval was more important than authenticity
Relying on external validation to know you’re on the right track
Over time, it becomes second nature to look outward for answers instead of inward. You lose touch with your own inner compass, the quiet wisdom that already knows what you want and what you need. When someone says “trust your intuition”, you know your intuition left the equation long ago.
Signs You’ve Stopped Trusting Yourself
Self-doubt can show up in subtle but powerful ways:
You over-rely on advice from friends, mentors, Google, ChatGPT.
You replay conversations long after they’re over, wondering if you said the “wrong” thing.
You feel guilty or anxious after making a decision, even if it felt right at the time. You find yourself second-guessing your judgment.
You hold yourself back from opportunities because you’re scared of making the wrong move.
How to Rebuild Self-Trust
Like any skill, self-trust can be built over time with enough practice. It’s actually simpler (not easier!) than it seems.
Here are a few ways to start strengthening it:
Start with small decisions. Pick something low-stakes like what to eat for dinner or what show to watch, and practice deciding quickly without overanalyzing.
Notice your inner cues. Pay attention to how your body feels when something is a yes versus a no. Your nervous system often knows what you need before your brain catches up.
Limit external input. Before asking for advice, ask yourself: “What do I think?” If you do ask for advice, only seek it out from people whose opinion you genuinely trust.
Make your decisions “right”. In the absence of knowing if you made the right decision, you have to make your decision right. Have your back and remind yourself of all the reasons why you made a decision in the first place. We are all just doing the best we can with the information we have in any given moment.
Celebrate follow-through. Every time you honor your own decision, even a small one, you build confidence in your ability to trust yourself. Acknowledge and celebrate your efforts!
The Bigger Picture
Trusting yourself doesn’t mean you’ll never doubt again, it just means you’ll stop letting doubt run the whole show. The doubtful voice will get quieter while the trusting one gets louder.
If you’re ready to quiet the second-guessing and start trusting yourself again, therapy can help. Together, we’ll rebuild the self-confidence and inner trust you’ve been missing so decision-making no longer feels like a battle.
Book a session today and take the first step back to yourself.