Why Self-Compassion Is More Powerful Than Positive Thinking

For years, I thought the secret to growing my confidence was more positive thinking.

I tried it all: writing affirmations in my journal, taping sticky notes to my bathroom mirror, repeating “I am enough” before walking into stressful meetings. And sometimes, yes, it helped me push through the moment. But most of the time, the words felt hollow and didn’t land.

I’d stare at that note on the mirror that said “You’re doing amazing” and think, Really? Because it sure doesn’t feel that way.

And then the shame spiral would kick in: not only did I feel insecure, but I also felt like I was failing at “thinking positive” too.

That’s the trap. Positive thinking often asks us to leapfrog over our real feelings. It demands that we overwrite pain and the signals our body is telling us. And for women who are already used to pushing down their needs, smiling through stress, or telling themselves to just get over it, positive thinking can sometimes turn into just another form of self-abandonment.

The First Time I Tried Self-Compassion

I still remember one night, sitting on my couch after a day that felt like it steamrolled me. My mind was racing and the usual inner critic was loud: You’re being dramatic. You should be stronger. Other people have it harder.

But instead of piling on more pressure, I tried something different. I placed my hand over my heart, closed my eyes, and whispered to myself:

Of course you’re overwhelmed. Anyone would be, after today. It makes sense that you feel this way.

It felt awkward at first, like I was borrowing someone else’s language. But then something shifted. Instead of rejecting my feelings, I softened to them. It didn’t feel fake in the way that the positive affirmations did, it just felt like a new way to talk to myself.

It wasn’t a lightning bolt of transformation. But it was the first time in a long time I felt like I was on my own side.

Why Self-Compassion Works When Positivity Doesn’t

The power of self-compassion is simple: it makes space with what’s real.

• Positive thinking says: “You’re fine, don’t worry, it’ll get better!”

• Self-compassion says: “You’re hurting. Let’s acknowledge it. This will eventually get better, but it doesn’t have to feel that way right now.”

It’s actually a rather subtle difference, but it works, because it’s acknowledging what’s true and holding space instead of abandoning yourself. When you stop demanding perfection, you start to build trust. You start to show up more authentically. And that creates a deeper kind of confidence, not the loud, performative kind, but the quiet, steady kind that sticks.

For the Woman Reading This Who’s Tired of Second-Guessing Herself

If you’ve tried all the “positivity hacks” and still find yourself spiraling in self-doubt, maybe you don’t need more positive thinking. Maybe you need more compassion.

Not the fluffy, “bubble bath and candle” kind (though I love those, too). The deep, grounded kind that says: You are already enough. Even when you’re messy. Even when you’re scared. Even when you don’t have it all figured out.

Because when you give yourself that kind of compassion? Everything else, confidence, boundaries, self-trust, becomes possible.

If you’re a woman in Virginia, Missouri, or Mississippi and you’re craving a space to untangle the self-doubt and finally feel at home in yourself, therapy might be the perfect next step.

Reach out today and let’s begin. You don’t have to keep battling your inner critic alone.